Moving On.

Skor would have been eight years old on July 12. On Wednesday I went to the park in Julian that Skor loved which is when I took this photograph of the sunset.  She was always so excited to get out of the car and enjoy the smells and to walk the cement path around the park. She was an enthusiastic girl who loved simple things, for us it might be smelling the roses, but for her it was smelling anything, and taking a long time doing it! 

Another place that Skor loved was driving down the Old Cuyamaca Highway, a side road off of Highway 79 near the park, that used to be the main road heading south out of Julian. We would drive 15 to 20 miles an hour and she would just soak up all the smells outside. Skor loved to hike up in the hills up by the old transfer station. She had a way of going up the rocky hills (and down) faster than me and even stopping with opportunities to sniff along the way. 
Skor loved to relax on our wooden painted porch. She would lay down after retuning from a walk then turn on her side panting to her heart’s content. As she got older this recuperation would last longer and longer. Skor was a big girl, all 85 pounds of her. She wasn’t overweight, per se, but she could have lost a few pounds, as we all can use. She was a strong girl and could play tug-of-war with any toy for a long time. When she was younger I used to let her win but as she got older we would really tug back-and-forth, all the while she had the look on her face that she was never quitting.

I have so many great memories with Skor and I still can’t believe she is no longer with me. Sometimes I think I feel her presence. It is hard to move on but things seemingly have gotten a little bit better. Things have to get better because I know I can’t live in the past or stay in disbelief that she is dead and buried on a slope by the house she was born in. I have to move on. And I will, all in my good time. 

My ❤️ Dog

I spent 24/7 with Skor. I miss her terribly. Unfortunately society is not the most supportive when it comes to grieving about a pet that has died. I do my best to push through many of the mundane tasks of day to day living, or shall I say, surviving.  I have daily bouts of anxiety which I know is my heart grieving my loss.  

I was actually getting to a better place in dealing with my clinical depression. Yes, I am a mental health professional with a diagnosis. Many actually. Most are considered physical; some are mental. Mental. How many people will focus on that as I share my life’s story? (To be continued…)

Do. One. Thing. 

A few weeks ago I decided to attempt blogging about depression, a topic that is often taboo in our society, and is often misunderstood. I got the site set up and then, I was stuck at how to begin. I wasn’t feeling motivated. Then, on May 15, my wonderful Airedale Terrier died unexpectedly. Skor was my constant companion and my emotional support animal at work, and often my long drive home in the dark. I miss her terribly. Skor was my inspiration for often just “doing one thing” over the past 7 and a half years. Sometimes my depression would be so debilitating that I could not get myself even out of bed. Most often, I would move to my bird window, and watch the birds. But then I realize that I needed to feed the birds if they were going to hang around for observation. Thus, was the beginning of my motto. Do. One. Thing. 

Some days you just have to do one thing which often will lead to another task, and another. My dog Skor was a good motivator because not only did she need to go outside and relieve herself, be fed every day, but also needed daily walks. Some days I didn’t feel like walking but I knew I had to. Even though I knew that I would feel better after I walked sometimes I just couldn’t get myself going. But Skor would remind me daily that we needed to go on a walk. She would get so excited and try to contain her excitement when she knew I was getting ready. Luckily, my employer, would allow me an extra few minutes on one of my breaks to make our regular walk. in the San Marcos neighborhood I work in. 

I have to decided  to dedicate this blog to Bigg Skor, a tenacious Airedale with a big heart and a lot of love. 

  •          Skittle’s Last Bigg Skor 7/12/09 – 5/15/17    This is the last photograph of Skor taken 5/12/17